Friday, June 21, 2013

Conversations With The Head.

I'm floundering my way through post vacation blues. The easiest route is to go back to being the lazy cat that I am. But the uncertainty of my future won't even let me purr in peace.

I imagine what it might be like living inside a drum. At first, the very vagueness of the idea, strikes me. I could at the most consider sitting on the top of it. Then it sinks in: this drum is huge, as deep as a well, and as vast as a tiny island. I.must.not.fall.in.

Then all I can think about for the rest of the time I'm seated on the drum is how to avoid falling in. And suddenly out of nowhere, I notice it. It's a tiny little scratch at first. And then it starts grow. I don't understand. How did this happen?

Before I get any answers, my own body gives in to the emptiness beneath. It feels like the set course of nature.

It takes a while for it to hit home: I'm living inside a drum now.

I don't want to accept it. I can still see the stuff I usually see when I'm living outside the drum, this can't be very different, can it? 

But it's a drum! your head shouts.It's dry and it's used to produce music. You can't possibly be living inside a hollow drum. It's no good that way. 


I decide on the good, bad and ugly now, Head. Not people. Not what everyone else decides something is.


But why are you so scared of living outside? 

I am afraid of getting hurt. 

Everybody gets hurt, haven't you got hurt before? 

Yes. 

What was it like?

Terrible. I thought I would never see the light of day again. 

And yet...

I have always had to readjust  myself after getting hurt. The newly hurt me is quite different from the old one, with a new coat of protection armor. It's just beginning to feel very heavy now Head. I need to shed: All of this. 

Very well then. You do realise what this means? You can't hear the music as acutely as you did from outside.

Fine that's a sacrifice I'm  ready to make.

Really?

Shut up and let me sleep already!

Should I wrap myself around you like a blanket? Wouldn't that be better than living inside a drum? 

You are always there. Even in the drum. Don't worry Head.

I'm not sure I want to live in there with you. 

Ah! so that's what this is about. You're just sad that you'll have to leave me soon. That's adorable little Head. Don't worry for me. I might even make my own music,from  inside.

 Something that only I can hear.


 Then Head leaves me. And I give in to slumber. 


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