Wednesday, October 22, 2014

I'm Going To Be An Author of A Book That's Called Oh Fuck Everything Sounds Dirty, Life Is Sorted.

You know when you happen to stumble on a picture of someone who you kinda worship and she's always been your mentor, and in this picture she's wearing a skirt? ...and it just looks wrong? 

Like Yoda wearing a thong?


Yoda jumps high wearing thong and lightsaber
This is the only legit picture I found on the internet, of yoda wearing a thong.That must say something.
 Source: https://drawception.com/panel/drawing/8Fuk3336/yoda-jumps-high-wearing-thong-and-lightsaber/

And then I'm thinking...wait am I becoming some sort of a prude?

As if to prove a point, right then a sweet friend (SF) who also happens to be a doctor, texts:

SF: I just spent 2000 bucks  on food that I didn't enjoy at all.

Me: What did you order crow's feet? How is food that expensive not enjoyable?

SF: Er, I don't know why you think crow's feet is expensive. But we ordered Hilsa, Mutton and Naan.

Me: All of that sounds fine except the hilsa and the naan...that sounds awkward, like that situation where you use cooking oil for a lubricant and then the sun heats your skin up and then the next thing you know your tits are on fire. (Don't believe me?  Comment.No.23 )

SF: Er...wow...I was going to say we ordered the fish for starters, but never mind then. Medically speaking though?  I'd actually like to see the whole flaming tits situation someday. You know...for experience. Never mind, no matter what I say from here on out, my brain's gonna go: Oh fuck, everything sounds dirty.

Me: Yes. Everything sounds dirty. That would be the name of my book if I ever wrote one. But maybe I'll change my name to something more exotic sounding...like Hysteria James...like James Bond, but more panic-y. 

SF: Times of India..."exceptionally unorthodox writer of the century" ..but wait, Hysteria James doesn't even sound mildly erotic.

Me: I wrote exotic, not erotic you perv.

SF: I'm kinda feeling terrible for reading exotic wrong. It's like I don't even know myself anymore. Forgive my inherent pervyness. 

Me: Really now, you're talking to the AUTHOR of Oh Fuck Everything Sounds Dirty. All bets are off. 

And just like that....I wasn't feeling like much of a prude anymore. 

1 comment:

  1. I think you're safe:). No prudish prig in this writing . . .

    ReplyDelete