Saturday, January 3, 2015

Happy New Year Because I Finally Get To Get This Off My Chest

I have quite a few things to say about how I spent my New Year's Eve, except doing  it without sounding very whiny would be super hard, so I'm trying to tone it down here...but watch me fail. 

I work for a business chamber and we are assisting with this Summit that's taking place in our State. Never been part of anything this huge so my boss assumes that this must be all very exciting for me. Since blending in is kind of like a priority  I suck it up and put on a happy face and go on with things. Unfortunately, mom is the very opposite of everything I like to stand for, so she showed up at the office at 10 p.m in the night to pick me up. 

I'm fucking 25 you guys, naturally I was traumatized. The boss totally pretended to understand and said "of course I would have dropped her as it's this late in the night." This was enough to appease mom so she made no arrangements to pick me up the following day (new year's eve). 

New year's eve and it was almost going to be 12, my boss suggests I tag along with the Corporate Head of the organisation who happens to stay in my area. Corporate Heads are as busy as they sound so there was no certainty of when this person was going to leave....I might have had to wait just to get a ride at some time as late as 2 a.m in the night. This is when I started to panic and called mom because I just couldn't believe that this was my life right now....That I was spending new year's eve at a godforsaken office and not even getting paid for it (there is no over time in the organisation I work for, but they do boast of the quickest appraisals). One panic call to mom later, my aunt and my uncle (who stay relatively close by) were coming to pick me up, daring the new year rush, traffic, blocked roads and everything. 

This is what "blending in" does to you,  guys, it makes people stay up and worry about you, it causes untoward stress to your loved ones and unnecessary trouble. Don't ever try to blend in, don't ever just go with the flow because you're too scared to ask for basic things like a drop home for yourself. 

It was a crappy new year. Every time someone wished me while I waded my way home through the party crowd I felt like I was being slapped across the face repetitively. 

A lot of introspection and oh-my God my life is awful moments followed. My colleagues told me the following day, that it was really just my fault because I didn't manage to "sort my life out and arrange things, and that there were two cars ready for the taking and I should have just taken one and gone home" The thing is, all of this was offered to me after I went through crap. They sounded as empty as my Boss's "I would have totally dropped your daughter home when it's gotten this late in the night." She didn't.  And I'm just very disappointed that it's come to this. That I have to demand obvious things instead of being guided through the mess, as should be the case for a relatively inexperienced employee....I guess this was very naive of me to assume. 

I'm ashamed that my constant fear and need to appease people makes my mom be "the bad guy" and she has had to pick up the phone and talk to my boss to  come to a settlement so  I get to leave at 8:30 p.m in the night instead of 12 a.m or later like the other employees. 

I try to treat this as a learning experience. I try to voice things out more now and not laugh so much, because obviously that's mistaken for easy compliance. I have also learnt that it's okay to not be so Goddamn honest, because you pay for it in the worst ways possible. I am guessing this is typical of a developing country where respect for human labour and dignity of work is given the least importance. Now every time someone talks about "brain drain" I want to punch them in the face. Brain drain? really? maybe stop being such assholes to your employees/students. 

Okay, I think I'm done with this ranty business. 

Today was better. Today was adventurous. I bought 10 Kgs of ice for a party that I wasn't even invited to (because that's how well my friends get me, they're like yeah we know you're not great with parties so we didn't bother inviting you...umm I don't know if I should feel flattered or insulted.) I liked to pretend that this was really just to hide bodies and just when I was beginning to feel like Dexter I got stalked. For real. Two guys in bomber jackets. It was scary as hell. So I took refuge in the ice shop till the car got there to pick me up. The shop was called "Perfect Ice".  I can't make this shit up. 

And when things begin to calm down again and I'm painfully close to the dejection spiral there are always random things to watch out for... this rickshaw man cheered me up without even trying:

Can you spot the kitties? 

He was gently nudging them awake in the cold winter evening, because it was time to work...time to make the rounds... He said they always rested there when he was on breaks or running other errands. And my heart  exploded from an overdose of cuteness and things were a little bearable again. 

Also this little kid playing with a black balloon with a skull painted on it: 

So random...and so very beautiful 

Maybe you need this too. This is what happy new years should look like...


Happy New Year. 

Let this be the year where you take no shit from anyone, quit second guessing yourself and always, always.... be kind to each other. 

Much love and hope. 

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