Tuesday, February 23, 2016

I Put Myself Through This So I Can Draw Interesting Analogies About Life. Okay? I Am Wise Like That

It all started because I needed apricot colored underwear.

Salmon coloured Rose.
 Apricot- Making posh look easy since..
..my mind decided to get all obsessive about it.
I mean that's a thing right? when you're stepping into your late twenties you should have at least one posh colored underwear. So I'd kind of set my heart on apricot. I blame Facebook ads- love at first sight I tell you. 

Now I could have just been lazy and bought it on-line but I'd come across this 500 bucks worth of Shopper's Stop card just lying there in my bag...and I'm like Okay!  Shopper's Stop has that brand right? It's like I am fulfilling wishes and saving money..I'm a genie. A sexy apricot colored underwear wearing genie.

Then I go to Mall A and ask the friendly security guard which floor Shoppers Stop is on. And she tells me Mall A doesn't have Shoppers Stop! The outrage! So off to Mall B I go. In this mall, I walk in to the lingerie section of Shopper's Stop with bated breath.

"Do you have the apricot colored underwear that is going to change my life?" I ask the store assistant, all nonchalant.

"Why yes! we do.. they just came in today," she chimed. Did you hear that? just came in today...it's like fate! 

Me: "Okay I'll have the *utters size*."

Store Assistant: Er...may be you should try that size and also the *utters  (you have no idea what a fat bitch you are, do you?) size* 

And then I'm going to leave out the boring trial room bits and move straight to the part where I triumphantly  hand out my shopper's stop card to the cashier...and then he leaves me hanging with a "I'm sorry it says there's zero balance in this card Miss?" 

So I am confused ...like very much...but I still pay for the apricot goodness because damned if I go home empty handed after putting myself through all this. 

And then I start to very vaguely remember going shopping with my mother and buying a kajal stick with this very...(a second of phone call verification with the mother) confirms my impending sense of facepalmness. 

You guys. Do yourselves a favour and always throw your gift cards out after you use them okay? They're not meant to be kept as souvenirs, I sigh as I bite into my consolation shawarma roll that I have promptly treated myself to after this let's just say..oversight. 

I guess this is how you know you're getting old and closer to understanding the meaning of life even? It may look all peaches (and might I add apricots) from afar...but it really does make you pay in ways that you can't imagine. 


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