Friday, February 23, 2018

The world is not cute and that is okay.

Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend's cat.But after all the cuddles and the catnip, I realise that I am basically furniture to him. No, no there is nothing wrong with that but I don't know why I always feel the need to cute people, cats, dogs (fishes?) up. I told the boyfriend, that if he really thought about it, this is how children are too except less explicit- heck this is how people are. There is a need that each of us fulfill in our lives and because we can't pay for these things there's a lot open to interpretation, adjustments, expectations etc

There is this space in your life  where you feel small or not enough. We are constantly being told what to do, how to be, what would be convenient for others.  There will be traces of it everywhere you go, whatever you touch. It's my theory that this happens because I cute people up and expect the best from them. I don't know why this is my default setting - where I simply expect that person A is texting me because person A simply enjoys texting me- there is of course a lot going on under the surface. I have this tendency of "cute" ing people up -  Maybe it is my cultural conditioning- my gender conditioning? 

There is nothing wrong with people texting me, but in my version of utopia- or if like in Electric Dreams I truly could wear a little thing on my head and go for a vacation - it would for sure be one where I get to read people's minds - here is why I am sharing this with you, here is what I need to hear, here is how I am feeling - probably not cute, glorified lit up thoughts- but telling it like it is. Telling it like it is is definitely big on the news now. Women are telling it like it is. Did you know that on average women smile more than men? I wonder why we do that? What are we hoping for? What do we need? Again are we cuteing it up? 

 Our brains have been hard wired to think in certain ways. Relationships aren't transactional, love is transcendental, it's all roses and balloons- well, you could have roses and balloons and know at the same time that in a couple each of you are fulfilling a need for each other. It isn't all cute. 

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