Friday, August 30, 2013

Justin Bartha Is Very Convincing As A Researcher. Related: I Have A Problem.

I have had to do Skype calls with Justin Bartha for two consecutive days, you guys!!

And if  you're  asking yourself  who  the fuck is Justin Bartha, then I think you'd totally get it if I shared a picture with you: 

Justin Bartha

And if you still don't get it, then watch The Hangover maybe? (Although, I personally adore his role in The Rebound)

Justin Bartha is not revealing his identity though. He is pretending to be this research person that I'm supposed to co-ordinate with and get a tonne  data for. 

And get this? I was supposed to be on a call with him this afternoon, which was more  early morning, his time. And he couldn't be there. Because he had a shoot to attend maybe? Or do his famous girlfriend? Or some other crazy shit that celebrities are upto these days? 

Or maybe he just had a hangover. Hah!

Not falling for the I-forgot-the-time-of-call excuse,  Justin Bartha! 

PS. I can't help finding celebrity parallels to random people from Europe that I sometimes have to work with. It's like an ailment. I went to Europe this summer, and I swear I spotted celebrities everywhere.

 Not sure what that says about me. 

God help me if I ever go to America. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

10 Reasons Why I Can't Take Myself Seriously. And Why You Should Avoid Me. Wow. Now I Know Why Nobody Replies To My Messages.

I read  this postrecently from a blog called The Globe Slother

I noticed how quickly it gained likes, shares and tweets everywhere.

This made me ponder if being a good blogger was all about putting what’s in your head succinctly in a point-wise format.As much as I'd like to talk about what being a Bong entails, I relish not getting hate mails so, I will stick to me or people I know when it comes to making lists. 

 This post is me, trying to be a good blogger, and presenting –10 reasons why I freak myself out a little.

1)     Whenever I see a lyric video on YouTube, I have to sing along. It doesn’t matter if I’ve never even heard the song before. It’s an unspoken rule. Sometimes I end up sounding like a wolf in a full moon’s night, and end up thinking of possible werewolf names for myself.

2)    Swollen tonsils scare me so much that when my mother asked me to check if she had them, all I could think of..was.what I’d seen...and hating my life a little. Then, I just prayed and thanked God that I am not a doctor.It's very gross. You don't want to see swollen tonsils. I love my mother. But I hate that she made me do this. 

3)    Also I think I’m turning into this really fat blob, because I tore my dress twice while trying to sit on the floor. Why was I trying to sit on the floor? Because I like the feel of cold, hard floor, beneath me. Stop laughing.Or maybe just to pray to God that I'm not a doctor you know? Whose laughing now?

4)    Everybody in my neighbourhood thinks I am this really good girl. I feel sorry for them because they have no idea what is going on in my head most of the time. This kid was running determinedly to some place like...his life depended on it and I had to really control the urge to shout "Bhaag Milkha Bhaag" at him.And then laugh in my head, at how much that would freak him out. OMG I'm evil. Save me.

5)    Writing is disorienting for me, in that, when I stop writing I feel like my whole world has started spinning, literally, and then I realise I was twirling in my twirly chair the whole time, while writing . Those chairs should be banned from  the office. But it was quite a head rush, if you ask me. (warning: don't try this at home. Try this at office, when you're bored as hell). 

6)   You should  probably not collide with me, at night, after I’ve watched Paranormal Activity...because there will be chances that even if Paranormal Activity didn’t scare you the noises escaping my throat will.

7)    I am very.very.scared of meeting people. I have these unreasonable fears that my dress is going to pop open, or I will say something super silly, or bore the person to death. And then I have a dead body to take care of... OMG daunting stuff. How do people do this? All I want to do is stay at home and work from my that too much to ask for?Related: I have a problem.

8)  Gmail does this insanely weird thing where, if you log out of one account and log into another (yes I have two) I am still on-line from the other account. Seeing yourself on-line is creepy. There's this whole parallel universe thing that comes into play.

 9) I can't pour water into a glass, without spilling it. I swear. It's like reflex. Something tells me if I had to play the role of a drunk girl in a movie I'd be very good at it. 

10) I start reading self help books and really go all the way to imbibe what they're trying to say( like attending a course). And then I never finish it. Because every time I don't do what they're asking me to do, I feel guilty and I feel like I'm betraying the author so I don't touch the book after that. I have failed many courses like these... and it's always a sore point, in my head. I don't know why I set myself up for disappointment like this, I can't pour water straight into a glass, everything else should be a logical explanation, a follow up of the water point. You know? Like oooo I have trust issues. But I really can't pour water into a jar without spilling trust issues should follow. I making metaphorical sense now? 

That last point is too long and rambly. Just ignore it. 

Wow this was hard. Not because I had to write them down, but because I can't believe myself sometimes. I blame the planet Earth. Because it's a watery planet.

 Sheesh. I'm fucked. 

Saturday, August 24, 2013

You Know You Are Probably Being Robbed, When You're Feeling Cold. For More Details: Consult My Family.

A few days ago, my mother updated her bank passbook and couldn't account for Rs 613.50 that was spent. She got very alarmed. I was with her the whole time, and I'm usually thinking about my imaginary kitten to really notice, that my mother is working herself up over this. 

And then she turns to me and asks me if I've used her card to pay for some of these exams I have to sit for, and I promptly say no. 

Except I did. 

It takes one hour for me to remember this, however. 

By that time, my mother is almost considering going to the Police station, because she believes in over achieving protocols. 

So I tell her meekly, that I am, in fact,  the imaginary thief she's losing her mind over. 

My mother is totally outraged by how forgetful I am and recounts the situation angrily to my cousin brother and his mom (my aunt), later. 

Grumpy cat lemonade Meme |
My mother is the original Grumpy Cat, this is something she would really say...and say it hard(replace sugar and water by "common sense" and "mental alertness" ! 

And my brother chirps in: But why would a robber hack into your bank account and only withdraw Rs 613.50 and not Rs600,000? Seriously why would anyone give a shit about fifty paise? 

Mom: But that is not the point!

Bro: But it is worth thinking about,isn't it? Like the last time you woke us all up in the middle of the night on our holiday in Puri because you thought that there were robbers in our cottage!

Mom: I did? 

Bro: yeah, and to validate your statement you sited that the air conditioner temperature was lower than it was when we went to bed. I lowered the temperature. But that's not the point...the point is, why would a thief tip toe into the room and instead of robbing us blind, lower the ac temperature and  leave

Aunt: Maybe he was just trying to make it colder so our bodies would decompose slowly and he would have enough time to get away with his loot, after he's slit our throats. Ever thought of that genius? 

Bro: Except your throat was fine, because that's what woke us up. You were screaming cause Bomsy (that's what he calls my mom) freaked you out and your foldable bed snapped back and you were just lying there stuck in an awkward bed sandwich, till we came and got you. 

Then he turns to my mother and adds, " see? nothing good can come of this".

By that time, both my mother and my aunt are too embarrassed to really say anything.

And I'm trying hard to keep a straight face, because all of the sights of that fatal night in Puri are making funny faces at me, and daring me to laugh. 

This is what family's for...right? To dissipate blame by bringing up more embarrassing stories from the grave? 

Also, notice how seamlessly my cousin brother defended me, without making it too obvious. 

That's good team work. 

Hi 5 Bro. Hi 5.