Friday, October 11, 2013

This is Like Hangover, Except No Booze and Tonnes of Bad Music.

We decided to dare the crowds and go out at 11 pm on Panchami. 

I didn't think it would be a big deal, because I can't sleep most nights anyway...This promised to be an all nighter (we wanted to finish all the famous pandals on this day, so we could avoid the mad rush of the 4 days that Pujo brings! 

We couldn't have been more wrong... 

The roads were clear but you know what the problem was? The cars were not allowed anywhere near the vicinity of the we had to join the crowds walking it up to the pandals...and my God was it crowded! 

But it was beautiful to see Kolkata lit up like that.. 

I was so sleepy by the time we got to the sixth pandal... but it was such a riot of colors that I woke up a little bit.

Most of these Pandals have their own themes, which we always have a hard time figuring out. 

I am particularly not an expert in Durga Pujo knowhow... I just found out that every year Durga comes Home in different modes of transportation and each is supposed to signify something...

For example, this year She's coming in a palanquin, which is not so great cause it signifies pestilence? And she's leaving on an elephant which is awesome cause it stands for bumper crops and all.. 

But then I heard this conversation in the pandal above and I felt like I wasn't alone in being ignorant about Durga Pujo trivia. 

Guy 1: what are those? 

Guy 2: oh they are sun fairies inviting the Goddess to their humble abode... 

Guy 1: I think they confused sun fairies to what Natasha Henstridge turned into in Species... 

Guy 1: Oh dear God! You are right...

Guy 2: or is this done purposely? like is this an alien theme that we're not catching on to? 


Seriously, figuring out themes is hard... 

And then you're like Fuck it...lets just enjoy the opulence. 

By the time we got to this one, it was our 8th pandal and probably 3 am in the Shashthi morning and all I wanted to do was sleep... But my cousin was wide awake! active.. sipping on her coke and singing this song which ... I don't know..why people even call it a song? 

She didn't know any of the other lyrics other than the  "party all night" part so that's all that she sang, it's stuck in my head and it won't fucking go away, thanks a lot Cuz! 

On our way to another pandal, these trucks started coming in with a shit load of coconut, you know the ones you have to drink the cocnut water?

Mom: OMG stop the car I need coconuts...they're selling it in bulk here...this is a good deal..stop the damn car! 

So yeah we stopped. Bought coconuts of all damn things at 3:30 am in the morning..and our driver tells my mom: 

What about sugar cane? They're selling sugar cane in bulk too... 

At that point I may have laughed like a maniac...which finally got my mother's attention. 

She promised that the next pandal would be the last one...and this is what I found right outside this pandal:

Spotted at 4 am in the morning.
Oh they were sooo cute...I wanted to steal a puppy but that would be a super lame thing to do on a festival... 

My mother decided that there was just one more pandal that we really needed to I did the only thing a sane person would do: I sat it out in the car, while they ticked on their precious checklist of pandals. 

Driver: Oh you must be getting bored, wait I'll put on some music for you. 

Music: Party all night..Party all night..Party all night.. 

Me: Really? Really? I need to kick something. 

We finally got back home at 5:30 am and I slept...pretending I had those puppies cuddling me... 

This was like Hangover, except no  booze and tonnes of  bad music! I'm so glad I'm staying home for the rest of the four days... yayy to no pants! 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Ramp Walking In A Crowded Bus, And Other Sad Metaphors Of Life.

Okay, I don't know how to "Call-in" on a conference call on Skype. 

And I can't stop crying...

Well that escalated quickly.... @Emma Billing ahahahaha!

It's turning out to be a nail biting  week and by the time it's done with me it's going to flaunt its  shiny immaculate bear claws at me, and I have nothing to show for it other than my  bleeding ugly cuticles...

This reminds me of that time I was waiting impatiently in an auto rickshaw  for a traffic snarl to clear up, and it was funny cause the stop where I'd get off  was just a little bit further I got all impatient, got off the auto,  till I realised what was causing the snarl in the first place. 

There was this careless car driver  who had parked and gone off somewhere. His car was obstructing the path of a  bus.Moreover,  it was stranded:  because there was this huge ass sandhill as well (yes sandhills are a common sight on the roads thanks to all the contruction work that keeps happening). Yup, bus wedged between car and sandhill: shit you can write about because you live in Kolkata, India. 

So I had little choice but to use the bus as a static passage.  I got on it and then got off it & continued walking, despite the heated stares I received from the waiting passengers: "look at you gliding along like you own this bus." I was very nonchalant about it, and pretended that  this kind of shit happens every day. 


My life feels like it's caught in a static bus passage way and I'm waiting for the bus to finally start moving or to just get off it, so I can come back know? 

It's taking too long a  time, though. 

And although I'm trying to be nonchalant about being caught in this weird place at a weird time, it's catching up.. 


Maybe they should put on some music while we wait... or something. 

Updated: Turns out? all I had to do to get in on that call? Was to use my mobile phone to dial the fucking numbers and not go via Skype at all...


Can I die yet?