Wednesday, November 26, 2014

I wrote a post about this weird dream I had, and another one about..well...Pain. And then I mixed up the two and somehow it made rare sense to me.

I dreamt about a tiny cat the size of my thumb. Shiny black glistening.

See the thing is...I was fine. Till some people started coming in... Suddenly it wasn't so lonely anymore.

Then it melted and became black ice cream. And I was worried about having incurred its wrath.

I forgot however, that,  with myself, the scope of messing up was limited, of constantly worrying about hurting others feelings.(I worry a lot, unnecessarily so sometimes.)

Then it rebuilt itself and started looking like a kangaroo. A black kangaroo.

And when people and the baggage that come with them begin to push you to the point of constant self- doubt, you take the only plausible way out: you let go.

I was worried about people looking at it and being mean to it. Because it was a cat and a kangaroo.

That's the beauty of this strange exercise of letting go...two aspects  that are beautiful in fact.

And then it got angry one day. I can't remember why. I realised it wasn't just a cat kangaroo. It was also a dragon.

One, you realise how strong you are: how very strong. Even though you feel like you can't function properly a single day  given this kind of sadness( it comes in waves).You God do you cry... You cry so much that you can't hold it in even when you're in the middle of mundane things like walking back home. And yet...the next day comes and the next...and guess what? You're functioning. The tears, the self-loathing and the innumerable Oh-My-God-Why-Amn't-I-Dead-Yet moments notwithstanding. Like an old fashioned, resilient, gramophone, you play, you sing.

I have never wanted to  not wake up from a dream this badly.

And sometimes, if you're lucky the second beautiful thing happens: some of them come back. Despite all odds.

This is the closest I can come to explaining the creature I spent 8 hours with....minus the puppy dog friendly eyes 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

The Messed Up Adventures of the Glorious Pixie of Nutella Break-Ups

I am going to be honest. Been feeling lost somewhere between Stuck and Stupid Land lately. As hard as I've tried to write about it, the mind has been very stubborn. All it came up with was one single word: Blah.

So,  I decided to share some of the Random things and Photos I've saved over ages,  on my phone which totally don't make sense to me right now.
  • I plan things simply to enjoy the grandeur in watching them get fucked up
  • Best way to enjoy Fifa without disturbing your sleep cycle: keep the telly on at a moderately high volume and wake up when the guy starts shouting like he's about to wet his pants. You know the one. 
  • You know when you have a boil in the center of your forehead? Pretend it's your third eye. 
  • Have you ever looked at your life and I don't feel like it? 
  • When someone addresses my trust issues I'm always like do you trust that I will trust you eventually despite my trust issues? Pretty sure that's recipe for some sort of weird wormhole

Me neighbours are doing it right. Nothing says "Welcome" better! 

Prince Bart just had his coronation and is happy to say goodbye to the wild nights.

This video cheered me up a little though. Maybe you need to watch it too, unless I'm the last person on this planet to catch up with this. 

This is my life now. I am the dude with the rainbow whistle.

And THEN....right when I was almost done with this post, something.awesome.happened. 

Jenny, the Bloggess wrote a post about  "Helpful Hints" or "Life Hacks" as she calls it, for the Church of the Bloggessianism. So, I'm reading through these commandments, going "hear hear" to all of them, till I stumble across these: 

  • Time is a “wibbly wobbly concept” and therefore deadlines are portals that must be avoided unless we’re okay with being trapped in a rift.
  • Bloggessians can decline social events without guilt for any reasons related to their heads getting in the way.
I'm thinking, why does that sound so familiar.....cut to comment.number.94! :D :D 

To think that Jenny chose two of my suggestions as  her favorite and they now occupy pride of place among all these insanely awesome commandments of the Church of Blogessianism... makes me furiously happy!!! Given how much of a difference The Bloggess has made in my life... I think this made my whole week. 

I've already chosen my title: 

~Glorious Pixie of Nutella Break- Ups~

This has been the best sorting ceremony ever!