Saturday, February 28, 2015

February Wrap Up : time-has-stopped-and-I'm-in-weird-nostalgia-limbo

Hi you. I don't know where to begin, because that's what happens when you let all the little things that make you go "OMG I need to blog about this" in your head, pile up. And then you look at that pile and think, nah I'll just let it Usher says.

So I will tend to generalise and come up with a monthly trend thingy here. Also I can't believe I used the words "monthly trend" in my blog, that just sounds wrong, you get the picture though, right? It's been a month of nostalgia.

Sylvia Plath (I like to think of her as my soul sister, well, don't we all) sums it up pretty well. 

 I don't understand it when people get all hectic in February. Do you? 

I mean Februaries are supposed to be calm and a Priscilla Ahn song right? 

"The fish in the sea
Have many things to tell me 
Well what could they be? 
I'll never know I had to go
Because I don't associate with fish
So I continue to roam"

But according to people,  there hasn't been one single thing that I've done correctly this month. Really. I am trying  hard to recall here. But you know what? Nothing. And my whole life started to feel like those Hocus Pocus challenges. Where I need to spot the differences between the ideal world and my world.So eventually...I give up and utter a little whimper because all of this feels fine to me?And then you're shouting  at me and telling  me that  the little boy on the t-shirt of that man in that painting is bending a little more to the left than he should ideally (can't you see? it's so obvious!)

I don't know if I am making sense. I blame the swine flu. I got very sick this week and then I had to get flu shots.It wasn't swine flu though. Just the plague. Or something.  And ever since, I've been craving a bearded Bob Dylan look-alike to croon and sing to me while I sit by the lake and contemplate. Sadly, that ain't happening. 

But what did happen is, I ended up getting stranded and depressed at home. So I cleaned. I am such a hoarder, you guys. I had notes and stuff that I'd somehow accumulated from my Undergraduate years. My School leaving diaries...birthday cards from class 4...passport size photos of a friend(I suppose we were applying for entrance exams together) was so weird going through all of that, it felt like in that corner of my room, time had somehow stopped. Or you could just say I'm super lazy and never cleaned and put these treasures aside in a safe all this time. Shame on me. But I've had enough of that for now. 

And just when I was beginning to feel heart-broken and alone, my friend sent me  this picture of us doing the march past at school. I guess she had her time-has-stopped-and-I'm-in-weird-nostalgia-limbo moment too. 

It's like we're marching towards the apocalypse 

I am the one that looks like Gerard Manley Hopkins. 
Gerard Manley Hopkins. 

And somehow, all of me through this month. Instead of pining for the glory days gone by, I kind of feel strong in knowing that I was part of something special. A part of tiny bits and pieces of notes and memories that piled up high enough to drive an ailing future self with nothing better to do to,  to shrug and sort through it all, all over again and wonder if this is one Hocus Pocus Challenge she'd always win: In knowing what was truly ideal..and what isn't.