Sunday, August 28, 2016

Heart Break.....

Yesterday I attended a Greek festival. An old Greek lady came up to our table and said "Is this taken?" And that was it. She was a part of our table, us Uni babblers and her. 

She turned around, looked at me, the sun was hitting her face at an angle and she said, "My God, you are beautiful. " And I wanted to say, "what are you talking about, YOU are beautiful." But I didn't. I smiled, said thank you and laughed it off.

She was like my grandmother. My grandmother is beautiful, fair and spunky. If she'd like something I'm wearing, she would compliment me and say "you look beautiful. Ask your mother to buy all variations of this dress for you." Oh she has style and cooked like a diva despite the fact that she had to deal with a broken leg and an arm. 

She is no more. I just found out while randomly calling my mom on Skype.

It's so hard for me to write about her in the past tense. To know that July 30 was it... that I would never see her again. 

I have always been at the heart of bad news. To be so far away and be smacked in the face with it is not something I had prepared myself for. 

I am sharing a song she liked here, 

Translated : 

This jewel studded necklace is not my style 
It hurts and pokes at me when I try to wear it 
It pains when I try to remove it 
This jewel studded necklace doesn't suit me. 

It chokes me up and I can't sing 
My mind is elsewhere, and I can't set my mind to work 
This jewel studded necklace is not my style 

That's why I wait, so I can bedeck you with my necklace instead 
It would bring me so much relief.... 
Welcome me with garlands and flowers 
I can't bring myself to face you with this jewel studded necklace. 

I hope she found the relief that she so wanted and struggled for all her life. Rest in peace you beautiful sweet woman. We all hope and strive to have a little bit of your talents scattered around in us. Look out for me. I will miss you.... so so much. 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Crush Them With Love.

The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark 

Act I 

Scene III. A room in Polonius' house 

Lord Polonius 

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend, 
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. 

And it was all...yellow.
There is a Chipmunk in this photo. I think I found my spot at the Uni

Things I found out about myself this week - 

  • I suck at volleyball. I hate sporty things that involve balls in general actually. Probably because I suck at it. 
Why yes, that is in fact strawberries with whipped cream on my breakfast cereal
  • If I have strawberries and whipped cream in the fridge I will never want to cook because that's what I'll want to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner or even snacks, really. 
  • The ouchy corn I had back at home is getting ouchier and I might be losing a foot. Or something. 
  • I now know how to fix a flush, thanks to YouTube. 

I am more proud about that last point than is normal for a 27 year old. 

I feel old. 

Also the homesickness has finally hit...I think. I don't want to weep all over this post. But I'm a ball of mush right now. Love violently  if you have to you guys. Love hard. You never know when it will suddenly all change and you will find yourself weeping into your pillow while listening to Jenny Lewis. 


Sunday, August 7, 2016

On Not Knowing Things

The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark 

Act V 

Scene IV Elsinore. A platform before the castle


...Lord, we know what we are,but know not 
What we may be..

Confession: I've stopped reading. 

The last book I read, remains unfinished, at home tucked inside the upside down red tool that I had made into a portable bookshelf. My mind hovers around that shelf of unread, well loved books and I stare at the one cold book next to my makeshift sleeping bag bed in my quiet, heavy room now. I don't know why, the room feels heavy. I open the window often enough, let the light and breeze play in but my mind won't stop fidgeting. 

Somewhere in all this traveling I've lost my footing, the quiet order and rhythm of events that my life was built so carefully around- my little portable upside-down-tool-for-a-bookshelf life. Not sure what I have right now, is..sometimes I just stop thinking and blank out completely, people would be talking to me and my head will be off somewhere grasping for one familiar strain of a Leonard Cohen song. 

I don't know where this sudden fixation on Leonard Cohen songs is coming from...

I don't know so many things..

Friday, August 5, 2016

We're Home

We're here. 

We're home for now. 

I'm going through the motions and there are a LOT of motions when it comes to setting up things afresh in a new place...continent. (I am being vague, I know, sorry, but this is how an anonymous blog should work? I think?) 

I can't be poetic or exultant about everything that's happening to me because it's still happening to me. I am still fresh off the boat, still a little in awe of everything. The country is still speaking to sure has a lot to say! 

I'll be back when I sound a little more coherent. Hopefully that's sooner rather than later. Till then, be kind to each other ~hugs~